IComLeavWe: June 2010

Welcome!

If you are finding this blog through IComLeavWe I'm glad you stopped by!

I thought I would share a little about me, to introduce myself to my new friends. We are friends right?

My name is Ashlee. I'm 23 years old and am madly in love with my husband, Brian. He's 24, I surely go for older men. I'm sassy like that. We just celebrated our one year Anniversary and cannot wait to celebrate a million more.

I'm a Kindergarten teacher. I like to finger paint, and read Fancy Nancy.

Brian is in the transportation department for our school district, or a less fancy way of saying that- he's  bus driver. He likes to read and write, and play video games. (He's writing a book. Don't tell him I told you. He's kind of territorial over it.)

{We're perfect for each other.}

Our lives are wonderful, lovely, magical except for one thing.

My baby making pipes are rusty, or out of service- I can't decide.

We want to be parents. Badly.

Problem is, we don't know what's wrong with me. So that makes it a little tricky to fix.

We've been TTC for about a year now, with no luck- obviously.

My monthly visitor has been gone since October of 2009 so we are suspecting PCOS or something along those lines. We should find out for sure in September what is wrong and then hopefully we can grease up my pipes and get this show on the road. **My insurance will kick in September 1st, that is why we've had to wait** Budget cuts in the education department have hurt us both greatly.**

At first, we were angry. furious. Why was this happening to us? I was bitter. I was jealous of every pregnant women I saw. I dreaded hearing the news from people.

Then, I prayed about it and felt better.

It was an up and down for me. Hit or miss. Some days were great, some were horrid. I would torture myself by watching 16 and Pregnant and wonder why in the world do they get to be pregnant, but I can't.

After checking myself into rehab from my DVR I stopped watching all pregnancy related shows. I stopped googling infertility related items. It was making me crazy. and sad.

Time went on and soon many of my friends were pregnant, my sister in laws were pregnant and we still weren't. So, instead of being a total basket case about what we didn't have I decided to turn my frown upside down and be happy. Be happy for all of the blessings we do have.

Mind over matter.

We all know that that is way easier said than done. I still cry when I hear a pregnancy announcement. I still get choked up when I see a newborn. I still have my low days, but now I also have the ability to look to the future and not fear for what I do, or do not see.

I know that my husband and I will be parents. I just don't know when. And man, am I impatient!!

Things that I've found has worked for me:

*Prayer. I used to pray for a baby, but now I pray for hope, comfort and faith. It's working.

*Talking about it. Before you bite your best friends head off for announcing her pregnancy, keep in mind that she can't read your mind. Tell the ones you feel comfortable with about your struggles. They will then become sensitive to your situation. This also helps minimize the amount of  "When will you get pregnant" questions. Man do I hate that question.

*Celebrate the love that you have already. I've found that focusing on the amount of fun that my husband and I will have regardless is what keeps me going. Make plans, and live your life. Don't do what I did for the past 6 months and wallow. It gets you nowhere. It just makes your eyes red and puffy.

I know this is all easier typed then done. I know. But be happy. Live, Laugh, Love. Enjoy your husband, your pets, your whatever. Keep your heart in the right place. Don't drive yourself crazy waiting for the future. It will make for a very boring story when you look back on your life.

Our time will come. Your time will come. But until then, we will be right here, being happy, being in love, and enjoying life. We will be savoring every moment of every day until we are parents. And then, when that glorious day comes, we will be savoring life even more once our little ones enter into our lives.