"When life gets too hard to stand. Kneel."

"Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

For the past 5 days I have been a total emotional wreck. It comes from nowhere. Its almost if a voice whispers me things that only my soul can hear, and it makes me cry. I cry because I know that I have a Heavenly Father communicating with me, and one who knows of the struggles that I am having. He gets it. He totally gets it.

If this whole infertility business has taught me one thing, besides the fact that my ability to pee on a stick is quite impressive, it is that I am a daughter of God, and I have never felt closer to Him. We've had wonderful conversations. I've pleaded. I've questioned. I've stooped to begging even. I've cried. I've laughed. I've sat in silence. For the longest time I prayed for a child. But I've come to realize that a child is simply not in the cards for me, not at least right now. So, I started praying for hope. For comfort. For an eensy weensy hint of a possibility for me to become a mother.

And it worked. {and the crowd goes wild.}

A few days ago I had this most wonderful prayer, and I've cried every day since.  I've felt a closeness that I can only describe as knowing that Heavenly Father answered my prayer and he is sending the comfort that I needed. The comfort that I need to get through every day. The comfort that I need to hold a baby without contemplating kidnapping it. The comfort that I need to congratulate a friend who is announcing her pregnancy and the comfort and hope to know that one day, I will be a mommy.

It's a feeling like no other. It truly demonstrates the love that a Father has for his daughter. Heavenly Father understands the feelings that I feel in my heart this minutes. He totally gets it. I know He gets it. He understands the heart aching that comes along with this feeling.

My heart gets heavy every day when I get asked the simple questions that break my heart. My heart gets heavy when I have one of those I really want a baby days. I try really hard to redirect my sadness and I try really hard to focus on the awesome life that I do have. I list things in my head that I'm happy about.  That usually takes my mind off of it. (at least I'm easily distracted).

I have a husband that I'm crazy about.

I have the most wonderful family.

My friends are fabulous.

I'm an amazing Kindergarten Teacher.

I will change the life of at least one child.

I am a daughter of God and;

I am loved very much.

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father for listening to me and for answering my prayers. I know I sound like a broken record talking about infertility but if there is just one other person that can relate to me, and this can help them then I want to do it! I want to let everyone know that there is hope. Even when you feel like there isn't, there is. I promise. Count the blessings in your life. Savor each moment of those happy blessings and pray and thank your Heavenly Father every single day for giving you the strength to wake up every morning. I am irritated  grateful for this trial. Without it I feel like my relationship with Heavenly Father would be very different. That is a lesson I am glad to have learned, and I am better because of it. Trust me, I would rather not have this trial at all, but if life is going to give me lemons you better believe that I'm going to make delicious lemonade out of it.

My heart is full for another reason tonight. Not because I'm sad. But because it is full of love, joy, hope, faith and satisfaction.

Satisfaction of knowing that I know that someone is ALWAYS listening to my prayers.