Every once in a while.

Every once in a while I get a little down, and my heart gets a little emotional. I find it best to just let it all out and be done with it than keep it all bottled up inside just aching. I'd like to blame all of my meds causing who knows what kind of issues with my hormones. I'm usually not such a baby.

I'm such a planner. I have 2 day planners and carry them with me everywhere. I use the calendar on my phone and I have 2 more in my house that I use daily as well. I like to know what is happening, and when and how it will be happening. I like to look at my options and then plan the best plan of attack. This whole {in}fertility mumbo jumbo is ruining everything. I keep going back and forth in my mind, trying to convince myself that having a baby in a few years would make better sense but I can't seem to grasp a firm hold on that concept. I wanted a baby like yesterday. I know that 24 is not that old, but it's not that young either and only God knows how long it will take for me to actually conceive a child. That alone could take years. It's a very frustrating problem. I keep fighting with the idea of just putting this off and hoping that when we do start up again that magically I will get pregnant quickly. This is very emotionally draining and exhausting.

I am trying very hard to keep a good attitude but it sure is hard. I have faith that this will all work out, I just wish it would hurry up.