I'm a blogging coward.
On here, I can say anything. I never hang my head low. I never look away. I say what I feel and I mean what I say.
In person, however, I am totally different.
I hate it.
I hate that when people joke with me about having a baby I usually look away, (eye contact is apparently my kryptonite,) and I joke about "oh someday".
And then they tell me how young I am, and how I just need to enjoy life and blah, blah, blah.
I usually just smile and laugh but sometimes I play along. And then I stop and think to myself "Why are you saying this? You're totally lying right now." And then I feel bad for being dishonest like my hostile ovaries are something to be ashamed of.
I hate being a coward.
I wish I could just straight up say "Yea, I've tried that but I'm broken so that really isn't going to work for me."
But alas, here I am. Hiding behind my computer.
That's okay though.
At least I'm brave somewhere.
Amen! Although, I'm glad to have this outlet to say whatever, it's good cheap therapy! And if I talked like this in real life I would hate to have to deal with the repercussions of my words! Lol.
ReplyDeleteI am the same way. I can say whatever is on my mind here... but in reality I always (ALWAYS) pretend that I'm not interesting in having a baby, not right now. That I'm completely content with the way my life is at this very moment.....
ReplyDeleteI'm a liar.
I wish I could be completely honest with people and tell them that, in fact, my husband and I have been trying for years to have a baby and that we are desperate to be a family, and that every time I hear that someone is pregnant I feel sucker punched.
Is it because we are ashamed of our IF or is it because we want to appear in control?
sigh....
Coward, NO. Courageous, YES. I unintentionally joke about my kids being annoying/burdensome and often too late realize how crushing it is to some who struggle to HAVE kids. None of us can tell you anything about anything...just hope and pray for you! HUG....
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes people just don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteit's one of those things.
I think a blog is the best way to share your feelings, so go ahead and share away! :) XOXO
Ash I did the same thing for a while I didn't feel like telling them about my personal issues until finally I snaped and went of on someone one day and ever since then if people asked me it was my goal to make them feel so unconfortable since they were talking about something thats very personal anyways! lol now I don't care but I do want people to think twice before they say stupid things in regards to IF. I love you! you guys are always in my prayers!!
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI'm finding you for the first time through ICLW, and I love this post. It reminds us that our blogs are there for a reason, whether we are TTC or not (I'm in the latter camp) but they're still a place where we can let off.
Best wishes,
Casey
You're not a coward, you just haven't figured out what works for you as a good response!
ReplyDeleteICLW #6